4-3-3

No. of 4-3-3... A home of history.. back in 2007, that place taught me everything about freedom.. being an adult and wanna prove being an independent girl. despite of that no. of 4-3-3 taught me the bad and good things about life. First I entered the new place and the world, it seems such fun and full of excitement. But slowly that kind of new life almost destroy my life. Without my cousin's advice... a bit harsh advice and also humiliating by my bad attitude recently.. I'll never realize.. I mean realize.. realize... I feel devastated when she texted me that mid-night. Until I woke up in the morning I couldn't look her face at all.. I mad my self.. I mad my attitude.. I really hate my self. I almost enter 30's... but I haven't done anything changes. I'm not suppose to partying, hang out too often, well yeah.. I deserve to have a fun and enjoy myself due to stress that I confront of now but through my cousin's advice, she's right... I need some of my time and looks for another activities that chills and not waste my money. I even cannot think..

Let's get marry...!!

so happy when my second young brother already decided to get married... finaly his goal already achieved. since our late mother past away september last year. It's been awhile... I'm happy for my brother, but instead of that, I'm very sad and weak.. sometimes I feel sorry about myself.. don't have a vision. I still like a child who wanna get pampered by someone that I love. and my love is already gone-My beautiful mother. more worse, I never think about responsibilities.. I know I'm a clever, smart, and charming person.. but sadly I don't know how to apply it to my life. back to my life, I feel depressed because I have lots of people around me that I have to pleased. It's not so easy to manage and to be there for them.. to be there for my friends. and lots of them have so many pattern of attitudes, behaviours.. and I have to handle it with care. Fragile!!! I always think that I need a break.. since my health have been influenced by my worse lifestyle.. I cannot breath well and my face looks dull and pale. I couldnt think and my life really messed. I want them to uderstand my condition. I really need FOCUS on my life. I know I can't stay without them. but all I need is my time.. My own time to figure out and to practice how to organize my time and money. despite of that, I have an awful stress management that I should face of. I need meditation and pray.. Ya Allah, show me the way... please open my heart to see the right ways.. give me a chance to prove that I can.. I change...Amin