MovinG AwaY

Well I think I figured out a few things about what I want to do with the rest of my life.
First, I learned that I don’t have to feel constricted by careers. I can do just about anything if I really set my mind to it and even invent my own position if there isn’t one yet.
Second, I want to constantly grow and learn and challenge myself to never settle for less. I want to push myself out of my comfort zone and never accept a life of lazy-ness and dependency.
Lastly, I never want to find myself consumed with worry or fear ever again. Life is too short and precious to waste on things that are out of my control. Even if I sometimes don’t know what I’m going to do at some point in my life, at least I know it’s my decision to be happy or not no matter where I am.

4-3-3

No. of 4-3-3... A home of history.. back in 2007, that place taught me everything about freedom.. being an adult and wanna prove being an independent girl. despite of that no. of 4-3-3 taught me the bad and good things about life. First I entered the new place and the world, it seems such fun and full of excitement. But slowly that kind of new life almost destroy my life. Without my cousin's advice... a bit harsh advice and also humiliating by my bad attitude recently.. I'll never realize.. I mean realize.. realize... I feel devastated when she texted me that mid-night. Until I woke up in the morning I couldn't look her face at all.. I mad my self.. I mad my attitude.. I really hate my self. I almost enter 30's... but I haven't done anything changes. I'm not suppose to partying, hang out too often, well yeah.. I deserve to have a fun and enjoy myself due to stress that I confront of now but through my cousin's advice, she's right... I need some of my time and looks for another activities that chills and not waste my money. I even cannot think..

Let's get marry...!!

so happy when my second young brother already decided to get married... finaly his goal already achieved. since our late mother past away september last year. It's been awhile... I'm happy for my brother, but instead of that, I'm very sad and weak.. sometimes I feel sorry about myself.. don't have a vision. I still like a child who wanna get pampered by someone that I love. and my love is already gone-My beautiful mother. more worse, I never think about responsibilities.. I know I'm a clever, smart, and charming person.. but sadly I don't know how to apply it to my life. back to my life, I feel depressed because I have lots of people around me that I have to pleased. It's not so easy to manage and to be there for them.. to be there for my friends. and lots of them have so many pattern of attitudes, behaviours.. and I have to handle it with care. Fragile!!! I always think that I need a break.. since my health have been influenced by my worse lifestyle.. I cannot breath well and my face looks dull and pale. I couldnt think and my life really messed. I want them to uderstand my condition. I really need FOCUS on my life. I know I can't stay without them. but all I need is my time.. My own time to figure out and to practice how to organize my time and money. despite of that, I have an awful stress management that I should face of. I need meditation and pray.. Ya Allah, show me the way... please open my heart to see the right ways.. give me a chance to prove that I can.. I change...Amin

round and round... and round....!!!!

So many things that already happened recently. I regret it but I must do.. and I did.. at last. I feel much better even a bit like dusts.. but yeahhh... my depression has been decreased. I always ask myself... what's wrong with me..??? why I can't be someone like others whom can have what they want?!!! why I hardly get or find what I want? even though I tried so many things but no worth at all... all wasted.. I was trying to carry myself alone.. to create my life as a loneliness person in my own world... but how? how? how? Hope I can do many trips/traveling this year to keep me busy and enjoy the creation of GOD... and I hope I could find myself... again.

LuN@

~~~Addiction~~~

here, lepaking at Starbucks... like usual.. siting in front of my laptop and on9... instead surfing the net I also read a book but not today. No interesting books that I would like to read, well, obviously because no books around here... hahahhaha...

I'm starting to lose my focus in reading and writing lately-addiction with facebook. I don't know why I'm addicted to. Obviously, I've got so many friends there and we have lots of interesting gossips that we could share together. And the best thing is when we go out and meet together at least we have topics to share and laugh out loud about it. Sometimes, it makes me breath and enjoy myself; far from stress and depression of life.

On the other hand, I could find and meet new people and old friends that we'd lost in touch from this searching pals website. Talking about meeting new people, last week I've been introduce by my friend to her friend. wowwww... he's hot man... hahahhaha... (don't get wrong with this.. I mean about his character). He's cool and very sporting... and for starting, I proud myself because I break the pattern. I lost my nervous anxiety. I can talk.. talk..and talk without thinking about myself. I feel good about myself. When I sit and thought about my anxiety, I learn from it- to be myself and enjoy the conversation. Yeah... I should practice it in another time.. eheee~~~~

I think that's all for now... I've got so many things to share... but I don't have much time to do it. heheheh.. better off now... I love my self............

LUNA~~~

ReLieF

few days back, my close friend and I hang out at Oregano Cafe, Waterfront. We love to spend time there... because of the cool atmosphere... it relaxing our mind. Plus, the brightness from the candle lights, foreigners & locals -mixing together, listening to sentimental music, the waiters' greeting and cherish the room.. the sea view... ahhh.... very very entertaining.. perfect!!

it's already 3 days.. and I still sick... fever, cough, flu, head ache... hmmm... lack of my body energy... I looked at the mirror... my face looked dull... how I'm gonna meet my friends with this look, do my work, think using my brain..etc. All that I can't leave without is.. CIGAR. That thing.... is my "drug". It was a cure for my stress and internal pain. It gives me an energy from inside. I know it's not good for my body... but what should I do... it likes a loyal company for me...

sniffles..

love
~LunA~

looking for the truth?

wowwww... it took so long for me to write... lately I was so busy with my life, lots of problems that I have faced.. but still I have no clue... when I came back from OBS, which the place that I think suits for me to escape from life matters and almost discovered about myself.. thanks to sstc...

love life... FUCK!!! I admired with someone that I've been in love for a year.. I kept it and sealed it with no one else knows it but my closest friend. But now I think I wasted my energy, time, efforts and my "space of memory" in my brain thinking about a loser like him... I regret it... I felt really down.. and my self-esteem almost collapse..

I started to think that I have to focus with my own things.. and leave all the shit behind-distracting my focus for all this time. I should stop dreaming and not too focus on my negative view about my self.. yeahh it gave me a shit until I could not stand by my own feet- which I learned from OBS few weeks back..

the moral of the story, Be positive thinker, love life- my friends love me a lot; waiting for a guy that gave a shit it's not cool at all...

Is a dream come true??

Yesterday, I did researched about the freelance writer job and how the career gives you the opportunity to express your feeling, sharing experiences and skill in writing, plus, you can sharpen your writing skill with participating in any kind of projects and involve yourself to writing's world.

Despite, I'm not too sure with my ability in writing, I force myself to have a try - to realize my dream. When I was searching for writing jobs in the internet, I found some of advertise that attracted me. I dared to send a message for the post and I'm so thrilled that I got a feedback from the advertiser. The requirement was so simple. She asked me about my article sample. I'm so nervous until now. I was thinking that I might not have the articles... but all of sudden, I remembering about my previous work. A few months ago, I was helping my friend in his article report, and he asked me to write about marketing research review. Thanked to that. And I think it's not enough yet. Then I added second sample from my blog.."Story morning glory".. which is my own touch-I edited a little bit.

This morning, I sent two samples of my articles, one is a serious article and one more is an independent article. I am so curious with the coming soon result. If I'm not be taken, I'm ok. As long as, I give a try and do the best. All I know is I will keep researching and writing.

Luna *giggles

....tik tak tik tak... sounds of the old manual typerwriter...

...tik tak tik tak.. I remembered about the past.. my childhood's past.. when I was in primary school, I dreamed to have a manual typerwriter.. I don't know why, but when I flash back, it was a time that I felt like to write something.. It was a dreamed... a dreamed that I haven't achieve yet.. well, I realize, I'm a dreamer, the frustration is I never do and try it at all. The memory of my childhood came up when I surfed internet last night about becoming freelance writers... The article by Steenie Harvey, who is one of a Travel writer.. gives some tips for a new starter becoming a freelance writer, and shares lot of her experiences .. very touching story and makes me realize that we shouldn't give up in life.

From her article, I got some ideas which give me a strength to try with this new discovery... who knows I got the talent, lol..! the problem that always bugging me is my english writing. It bothers me a lot. But I have to be positive.. and I hope u guys ( friends) can give supports and helping me..

oh ya.. relate with writing, an on9 friend of mine, he gave me an offfer to be a report writer for EIA (Environment Impact Assesment).. I was thrilled at first because I like to do research, reading and revision. Unfortunately, there's lot of obstacles, plus, I'd have not enough experience in specific area. what a heck.... useless me.

But from now on, I will give a try.. oh no.. give the best writing.. experimenting with this new discover... and the biggest hope is I can achieve my old dream. Hope my english writing much better.


Luna *giggles

New Year's frustration... (Year 2010)

I thought new year (2010) eve was a "beautiful night and memorable moment" for me. But it was wrong.. and made me re-think back about my action. I should not to keep in touch with him. The reaction that he given was so cold... and no care at all.. or no existence feeling towards me.. I guess.. *sigh+sad..

I should stop thinking, in touch, seeing him.. and everything that related with.. My gosh, if I follow my heart now, I wanna delete him from my fb/tagged from friends member. Why I'm so stupid... (well, yeahhh I admit that I like him very much... and yeah love is blind I guess... lol)

I think that I should move forward and seeking for my own future... It's more important rather than think someone that who never appreciate me.. which more exact, he never knew my existence to him... useless..!!!!

Luna *Giggles*